Audi Vampire Commercial: Using Echo & the Bunnymen’s “Killing Time” was pure funny. But I’m closet Cookoo for Audi’s Coco-Puffs, so maybe it’s just my bias.
M&M’s, Just my Shell: Cute, in a Bob Hope humor-type way. 400 times from now, which is how many times it’ll be aired in the next 25 minutes or so, it will have lost its minimal luster.
Pepsi #1, Elton John: Only the Flavor Flav ending saved this, and just slightly. Was that really a contemporary (crap) mix of Aretha Franklin/Otis Redding’s “Respect?” Pepsi Marketing Employees – since corporations are people – start flogging yourselves in penance.
Chevy 2012: Nice shot at Ford here; survive the apocalypse with Twinkies, and a Chevy. I used to hate Ford – they were total pieces of shit for a long time (and their truck commercials with the wannabe Dennis Leary still suck) – but they’ve improved the quality and appeal of their product these last few years, so it’s nice to see Chevy come out swinging.
Coca Cola Bears, #1: Played out in a bottle. I think Coca Cola would be better off showing footage of its marketing execs being thrown to actual, starving Polar Bears.
Best Buy Innovators: None of those people work for Best Buy, so…? How is Best Buy innovating, exactly? By pre-Loading a bunch of shit onto their products, or trying to up-sell warranties?
Celebrity Apprentice: NBC masturbating is gross…and all over my TV, yuck. I can’t believe people actually give a shit about this.
The Dictator, trailer: Looks funny, can’t wait – then again, waiting for Borat and Bruno didn’t hurt. Sasha Cohen best bring it.
VW – the Dog, back in shape to chase cars: Only funny because of the Star Wars ending. The Beetle – it’s still best to buy two so you can drive one while the other is in the shop!
Chrysler, Halftime in America (Clint Eastwood): Yes, pandering for sales in aligning Chrysler and Detroit with America and the idea of a united comeback, but the message was good and when Clint Eastwood speaks, I listen, dammit. He’s like the anti-Charlton Heston to me. And since Karl Rove came out and said this commercial was promoting a pro-Obama agenda in some kind of backhanded way as Chrysler was bailed out, I like it all the more today. Fuck you with a piece of broken salty glass, Karl Rove.
Doritos, murdering dog: Funny, but I would’ve asked for more than 2 bags of regular Doritos to cover up the cat’s murder, and for different flavors – Salsa Verde or classic Cool Ranch, perhaps? Maybe this is why I still have that 20 pounds to lose.
The Voice, Vocal Combat: Meh, kind of funny, I like Cee Lo and Betty White, but don’t care even remotely for more of NBC’s jerking off right in front of me on my TV.
The Avengers Trailer: Would be better if Samuel L. Jackson played Jules Winnfield while playing Nick Fury. This also reminded me that I still need to watch Thor, Captain America, and Iron Man 2 (I’m a bad nerd). I wonder how many Marvel characters Chris Evans will play.
Doritos, Sling Baby: Derp. Would’ve been better if Billy Joe Bob Thornton was in it for a Sling Blade reference, I reckon. Derp.
H&M Body Wear, David Beckham: Good music, ruined. Sure the ladies love Beckham, and it was a man in underwear versus a woman in a commercial for a change. Reminded me I need to lose 20 pounds – damn vanity.
Teleflora: Buy a girl flowers, and she will put out on Valentine’s Night. Not specified – do I need to buy 1 or 2 dozen roses, and does each level of rose purchase come with a perk? Solid message for women’s self esteem.
Fiat: Sexy girl-as-personified-car seducing nerd, sure, but I guess my vehicle fantasies are more top shelf. A Fiat seems like the cheap porno mag I’d use in the now while I saved up for that dream Porsche GT3 or Audi R8.
Acura, NSX: Jerry Seinfeld, the Soup Nazi, Jay Leno’s chin…I think I’d take the Manhattan Zip Line over the NSX, though. The last NSX was, well, yawn, so good for Honda to push something other than the Acura TL, RL, and TSX for a change.
Toyota Camry, improvement of society: It’s still a Camry, so let’s put an end to even the satiric back slapping. This car doesn’t even make my nipples hard. Nothing says surrender like a new Camry, unless it’s a Toyota Sienna.
NFL.Com, Evolution: Look at us, we’ve added helmets and High Def since the early days of football, we must be advancing as a game and therefore as a civilization! Look, our players are juiced up more than ever, too!
Century 21, we’re Fast and Super Talented – with played out celebrities to boot: Cool, you can sell my house quickly in today’s market…still at 75% of what I bought it for in 2004. Thanks – can’t wait! Glad to see Apollo Ohno got a job after Subway.
Coca Cola, #2: Bored, bored, bored…Animated Polar Bears – I wish I had this kind of money to waste on a Super Bowl commercial.
Dannon, John Stamos: Anyone who head butts Stamos is A-Okay in my book; nice twist to the playful food flirt genre (yes, there’s actually a genre for that).
Pepsi Max, Regis: I’m glad Beth Littleford got a job. Bored, bored, bored…Regis is still alive?
MetLife, cartoon summit: I liked the throwback to cartoons of my youth and the message you need not be rich to plan a future where you’re not working until age dead. That was a nice sentiment from a commercial slot which cost $2M. And it’s still bullshit – our generation won’t be able to retire.
Kia Optima, Drive the Dream: I hate Kia, but this commercial had unicorns and Motley Crue.
Honda, Matthew Broderick’s Day Off: The Ferris slight reprise, funny enough, but all for a CRV? Really?
Bud Light, Rescue Dog: Nice message at the end, but still doesn’t even nick the palpable hate I harbor for all beer commercials. Also- how many dogs can we put into commercials? I thought the Puppy Bowl was on another channel?
CareerBuilder, Co-Worker Monkeys: A message which resonates in a crappy economy where job prospects are sparse…does anyone remember Monster? Yeah, me neither.
Go Daddy: They’re still in business? How long until Danica washes out of NASCAR and finally gives in to The Hef’s Dark Side, Center Fold-Style? Go Daddy supported SOPA, so don’t go re-blog any of their bullshit “unrated content” or their lawyers will attack.
SAMSUNG, Galaxy Note: 100% Pure Liquid Awesome. The Darkness? Outstanding. Brian Urlacher? Um, sure – guess he’s happy he got to make a Super Bowl appearance in some capacity.
Cadillac ATS: A nearly affordable Caddy with AWD, a V6-stick and 318 hp. How many years will it take to establish credibility, or is it another crappy Caddy that zigs? Will it survive long enough to become an ATS-V to become the little brother of the completely badass CTS-V? I am intrigued – well done, GM.