· The Russians sent troops to Syria to help Assad kill his own people more efficiently. He needed expert guidance from a practiced hand, I guess. Who better than the Russians to train a regime on how to wipe out their own?
· This just in from the GOP Primary – Ron Paul has selected Sarah Palin as his running mate in an effort to boost his numbers. Meanwhile, Rick Santorum has declared sex illegal as part of his plan to ban porn.
· Mitt Romney refuses to show his birth certificate, saying, and I quote, “I’m not an alien.” On that note, he chose Michelle Bachman as his running mate, despite her continued refusal to blink and prove she’s human.
· Michael Bay has taken ‘Mutant’ out of ‘Teenage Ninja Turtles’ in an effort to further destroy of my childhood. I expect he’ll casually rape Voltron on top of the Hollywood sign next.
· Peyton Manning is putting the band back together in Denver, while Tim Tebow is, well, who cares. I think I’m going to Tebow for Manning. At Focus on the Family’s HQ. With a Manning jersey – I’m as giddy as a school girl.
· Subaru will soon launch the BRZ, a rear-wheel drive coupe with good looks and a light chassis designed in conjunction with Toyota. It’s the weirdest experiment since the classic Subaru XT, which was available in either front-wheel or AWD and looked like an arrow. I’m left wondering why – as in, why does it have only 2.0L 4-cylinder with 200hp – and WHY REAR WHEEL DRIVE? Why only a natural boxer 4? Why not a Turbo 3.6L boxer 6-cylinder STI-tuned power plant designed to butcher a Nissan 370Z? Ugh. 17” wheels only at 215/45? Pfft. Balls.
· I think I’ve been watching too much Top Gear. I’m starting to talk like Jeremy Clarkson, saying things at work like “Power” when I walk around corners at a too quick pace for no apparent reason.
· Soon, my home will be taken over by baby things. Baby girl things. Doomed. Completely doomed. This assumes, of course, that the annual Spring winds don’t destroy my home first.
· This baby thing is good, and well-timed; it’ll distract me from the abject mess that Skyrim has become on my PS3. I’ve seen whales hump more smoothly and at greater velocity than this joke of lowered expectations. It was supposed to be a masterpiece, but it’s virtually unplayable the further into it you go. Really sad, and cripplingly frustrating. I cannot wait for the new GTA to arrive. Bah!